Got Patience?

Wow.

I'm really having difficulty finding the time to keep up with this thing.

Maybe it's part poor time management and part just sooooo much to do!!! Maybe I'll get it all figured out one day...but I doubt it!

Still, life is grand, ain't it? I mean, seriously, on the night that I was going to write about "patience", I totally lost it with the kids!!! Jason was gone for the weekend, and we'd had a pretty "good" day (especially when you consider that we all went grocery shopping in a very busy Wal-Mart...which is a hateful experience even when I'm by myself).

So, that night, the kids were being hyper-maniacs. I was trying to get them settled for bed, when BAM!!! I heard a bedroom door slam. That usually is enough, all by itself, to get me fired up, because I have this thing about people slamming doors. Anyway, what made it worse this time is that just as it was being slammed, I happened to look that way just in time to see Jacob barely getting his hand out of way.

I lost it.

I think I scared the kids to death, because they had nowhere to go. Daddy wasn't home. Mimi and Poppy were gone. It was just Mommy and her blaring vocal chords, spewing accusations and threats.

I didn't hit them, or cause them physical harm in any way, but it was the type of rant that made me want to go to my room and cry when I was finished. I'm pretty sure I did.

I also apologized to the kids later, and of course they were, as kids always are, very forgiving.

I'm so thankful that God's forbearance is much greater than mine. He is so patient with me. I mess up over and over again. I play hostess to spiritual pride, self-pity and bitterness. I am prone to wander away from what I know is the truth. I am at times ungrateful and selfish. I am worthy of nothing that I have.

Still, He is patient with me when I complain to Him. He gently reveals to me my misguided behavior and persistently shows me the correction I need.

I really want to be the kind of mother to my kids that my Father is to me!! I'm a work in progress, I know, and I'm glad that He sees me through the blood of His Son.

When I think of the love I have for my kids, even when their behavior is at its worst, I know that I'm just starting to scratch the surface of the love that my Father has for me.

Psalm 103:8-9, 13-14

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,

Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness

He will not always strive with us

Nor will He keep His anger forever.

Just as a father has compassion on his children

So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him

For He Himself knows our frame

He is mindful that we are but dust.

Thank You, Lord.