Breakdown

Yep, I had one today.  No, it wasn't a nervous breakdown.  It wasn't an emotional breakdown.  It wasn't even a mental breakdown.  I just got to that point where I had to drop to my knees and surrender it all...again.   

I guess you could call this a confession.

I have been really trying to seek God's direction for our school year, and presently I am very excited about where I feel He is leading us.  However, today as I looked back, I realized something. I realized that God was leading me, and then it was as if we got to a certain point (of my choosing) where I decided to take the reigns myself, bid a friendly farewell and say, "I've got it from here!"  

So today, I confessed my sin of self-sufficiency to Him.  I prayed for encouragement.  I prayed for wisdom.  I prayed for strength.  And you know what?  The Lord has already begun to show Himself faithful.  A dear friend called me at the right time and offered some divine (she doesn't realize it, but I'm sure that it was) encouragement.  The Holy Spirit has comforted me and reminded me that Christ is my rock--on Him alone I stand.  All other ground (including myself) is sinking sand.

So, am I ready to give up homeschooling?  Absolutely not!  Of course there are areas of weakness that I have to work through, since some of my responsibilities do not come naturally to me.  However, there is not a doubt in my mind that this is what our family is supposed to be doing.  Is it time consuming?  Yes.  Is it difficult at times?  Yes.  Does is require sacrifice and discipline?  Yes.  But do I believe that it is the most rewarding job I will ever have in my life?  I say an emphatic YES!!  

To that, I thank Christ, my Rock, for these times of "breakdown", because it is truly a demonstration of His care and concern for me, and above all reminds me that on Him alone can I stand!